


Shadow Songs

by xcinsationalx



Series: Shadow Songs [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Mutual Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29716227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcinsationalx/pseuds/xcinsationalx
Summary: Gwyn Berdara was content to live her life in peace at the Temple in which she'd grown up, her sister by her side. But the war with Hybern saw her sister killed and her entire life uprooted. Years later, she's come to terms with everything she's lost and has even found a semblance of happiness with her chosen sisters. However, the stars are not done playing games with her yet and with the threat of war once again looming on the horizon she will soon learn just what she's made of and who she is made for.Azriel has centuries worth of scars, on both his body and soul. He's lived through numerous wars, witnessed countless atrocities and committed his fair share of sins. And he can't picture a future where things are any different. Despite his claims of indifference, his soul longs to find its other half. The only question is, will he be able to get out of his own way? Because danger is coming for him and those he holds dear, and this time he won't be able to face his troubles alone.
Relationships: Azriel/Gwyneth Berdara, Gwynriel - Relationship
Series: Shadow Songs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183904
Comments: 23
Kudos: 136





	1. The Necklace

Gwyn held out the necklace in her hand. Her face crestfallen.

He had no words. He had no idea what to say to make this better, to fix the hurt he saw on her face. The hurt he’d caused.

“A gift such as this…I knew when I saw it that it was too beautiful for me,” she said, her voice empty, “And it turns out I was right. It was never meant for me to begin with.”

Azriel swallowed the lump in his throat and watched as she bit her lip, her eyes glistening with tears she refused to shed.

“Gwyn…”

It was all he could manage to say.

When he did not reach for the dangling necklace, Gwyn stepped forward and took one of his scarred hands in hers. She lifted it up and placed the necklace inside, closing his fingers around it.

“You don’t…I’ve not asked for it back,” he said. 

A sad smile curved her lips, “I’m simply returning what does not belong to me.”

An ache formed in his throat. He needed to say something. Anything, that might make her understand that hurting her had never been his intention. But before he could get any words out, she lowered her head to him and hurried from the room.

He was left standing there alone. His silence once again costing him. It always did.

Would he ever learn to use his words?

\- - -

She shut the door quietly behind her. Back pressed against it, she slid to the floor and let out a deep breath. 

I’m such an idiot. She thought to herself. 

Elain Archeron. Nesta’s sister. She was stunning. And Azriel…well his beauty was beyond compare. They made a perfect pair.

Of course, the necklace had been for her. 

She felt like a fool.

It wasn’t Azriel’s fault. Gwyn knew that. He hadn’t meant anything by it. She was the one who’d mistaken it for something more than it was. 

He’d only given her the necklace because the person he’d wanted to give it to did not want it. Nothing to do with her.

Yet when she’d learned he’d been the one to give it to her she’d…she’d hoped. For what, she couldn’t say. But something.

That was a mistake. She knew that now.

Tears rolled down her face, though she did not make a sound. 

She’d carelessly asked him once if he could sing as his name suggested. And he’d said yes.

The Shadowsinger.

She smiled wistfully.

He might very well sing, but it would never be for her.


	2. Look of a Valkyrie

She stood at the center of the shop, decked out in custom leathers. It had been Emerie’s idea to get the three of them fitted for them. Something about looking the part, if they were to be warriors. And if things continued deteriorate, as they had been, they might very well be preparing for war. 

It was a genuine concern that sat in the back of all of all their minds. Koschei was still out there. The human queens were still out there. And Beron was still a threat as long as he remained in power as High Lord of the Autumn Court. Last she’d heard from Nesta, Eris was still no closer to unseating his father. 

She pulled her auburn hair free from her collar as the seamstress buttoned it up. Nesta had gone outside to contact Cassian to have him ask Mor to come pick them up. Which left her alone to assess the fit of her new gear. 

Form fitting, the custom leathers hugged her every curve. Highlighting parts of her body she’d mostly kept hidden beneath her priestess’ robes. 

Staring in the mirror, she almost didn’t recognize herself. 

Her brightly colored hair and eyes were a sharp contrast to the beautiful, yet muted gray and black of the battle leathers. 

She heard footsteps behind her and turned expecting to see Nesta. 

“Nesta what do think-”

Her words cut off. 

Standing there was neither of her heart sisters.

Instead, shadows danced out to greet her. Coming from the quiet male who now stood in front of her. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. 

Azriel was here.

\- - -

He stood back, watching in silence as he always did. 

Mor had asked him to pick up the girls in her place, since she found herself otherwise occupied. When he’d arrived he had not seen either them waiting outside, so he’d headed into the shop to check on them. 

The shop owner had eyed him curiously. A mixture of attraction and nervousness. He was used to the latter. His shadows tended to make everyone a bit nervous. He’d asked after Nesta and Gwyn and the lady had directed him to the back. 

Azriel had not intended to keep his presence hidden, but out of habit that was exactly what had happened. 

The first thing he saw when he walked through the arched doorway was her smile. 

Gwyn stood in front of a mirror, the faintest smile on her face as she smoothed down her fighting leathers. The sight warmed him.

Beautiful. A voice inside of him whispered. 

A woman who must’ve worked here helped Gwyn button the top of her collar. 

He’d watched almost breathlessly as she’d lifted her thick auburn hair to keep it all from getting tangled inside, exposing her neck. 

Once the woman was done Gwyn dropped her hand and her hair fell flawlessly over her shoulders in rich, silky waves. 

The worker retreated to the back somewhere, leaving them alone. 

Azriel remained silent as she turned left and right accessing the fit of her new uniform. One that he would admit fit her perfectly. 

Without thinking, he took several steps forward. She must’ve heard him, because she spun around with a huge smile on her face. 

A smile that died the moment her eyes landed on him.

That stark happiness he witnessed was replaced by a cutting wariness. 

And he hated it.

Hated that he’d done that to her. To them.

That she no longer seemed at ease in his presence. 

He needed to fix it. 

“I-” he struggled with what to say, and in his cowardice went with what was easy, “Mor got busy with something, so she asked me to come get you and Nesta.” 

Gwyn simply stared at him, saying nothing at first. He waited, praying she’d at least say something. Finally, she had mercy on him. 

“Oh, right of course. Nesta must still be outside somewhere. I’ll hurry up so that we can go and look for her.” 

He watched as she struggled to reach behind her head to try and undo the top buttons of the suit. 

He moved forward to help. Only to realize halfway that he hadn’t asked her if she wanted his help. He stopped in his tracks. 

“Please...allow me to help you,” he offered, barely a foot of space between them. She glanced over her shoulder at him, lips pressed together nervously, looking as though she would reject him. Azriel held deathly still in wait. A moment later, to his surprise, she nodded in consent. He had to fight not to let out a sigh of relief. 

Stepping up behind her, he brushed back the strands of her hair that lay in the way and managed to accidentally graze her neck. He swore he heard her inhale sharply, but when she said nothing of it he chalked it up to his imagination. 

He would have to bring up this design issue with Nesta. It wouldn’t make sense for the girls to require help to put on their own leathers. When he finished on the last button, Gwyn put distance between them, as though she could not get away from him fast enough. He pressed his lips together in a hard line. 

“I - thank you,” she stammered out, briefly looking his way. 

He gave her a practiced smile. One he felt certain she would see through. But if she did, she made no comment. 

As she moved to pass him, his hand shot out - catching her by the wrist. He held her loosely. His scarred hands barely touching her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed. 

Her head turned and it was only then he realized how close they were standing. Their noses narrowly an inch from touching. He could feel her breath on his skin. 

“The fault is my own,” Gwyn returned, “I am the one who mistakenly thought the necklace meant something. But don’t worry. I promise, things will return to how they were. I only need some time.” 

With that she pulled herself free of his hold and disappeared behind the curtain to change. While he was left alone with his thoughts. Her words tugging on him. Things would return to how they were, if only he would give her time. 

Time for what exactly? 

And what if he did not want to go back to how things were? What if he wanted something else? Something more. 

Was that too much to ask?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plan is to update every Friday, so be sure to check back for more =D


	3. The Jump

He was not a fan of birthdays. 

He certainly never celebrated his own. 

But the Night Court, his family, enjoyed them plenty. Though, admittedly, they enjoyed any occasion where they could all gather together for good fun and good wine. 

Tonight was Nesta’s birthday, and Cassian had gone all out on decorating the House of Wind. Rhys had gifted the place to Cassian and Nesta in honor of their mating, but Azriel still kept rooms here. The pair had insisted upon it, saying that it was much his home as it was theirs. 

Azriel wasn’t so sure about that. Home...he didn’t quite know what that was supposed to feel like. 

He stood off to the side as he always did, watching the revelry. 

Mor was speaking to Emerie. There was an ease between them that he was quite certain he’d never before seen from the female who’d once consumed his thoughts. It was no question that Mor was beautiful. He would always acknowledge that, would always care for her, but after centuries of pining after her, he found, in recent years, she no longer affected him the way she used to. And in truth, he was grateful for it. 

Over the centuries he’d tried to convince himself to be content with what they had. That her companionship, her friendship was enough. But that was the thing about one-sided love. No matter how hard you might feign contentment at being able to remain by their side, a part of you would always hope for more. And a heart that yearned for someone who showed no reciprocation was bound to become bitter. 

He was no exception.

One would think it would’ve made him wise enough not to ensure he never fell into the same pattern again. But he damn near had. 

Elain Archeron was lovely, gentle, and seemed to have shared his attraction. 

She was also another’s mate. 

He and Rhys had almost come to blows over Azriel attraction to the middle Archeron sister. His brother had gone as far as ordering him to stay away. An order that had irked him and had the dominant side of him almost determined to go against his High Lord’s order, if for no other reason than to prove his will was no one’s to command. However, time and some distance had given him perspective. He’d come to realize that perhaps it wasn’t so much Elain that he wanted but the idea of her. The idea of belonging with someone so beautiful and soft. The idea of being made whole, the way his brothers had when they’d found their mates. 

That was what he wanted, to feel whole. To be unbroken. 

His quiet introspection was interrupted by a burst of laughter. His eyes darted across the room at the almost musical sound. He caught sight of Gwyn speaking to Nesta and Cassian. Her face alight with happiness.

He hadn’t seen her since their uncomfortable encounter at the shop.

The sight of her put him in good spirits. Until he noticed the excessive rosy tint to her complexion. It took him a second to realize the issue. 

She was drunk, or at least well on her way to it. 

What the hell? 

He headed to where she was, eating up the distance in a few long strides. 

Cassian was the first to notice his approach. His brother gave him an interested look. Perhaps, surprised to see him headed toward people rather than away from them. 

He came up beside Gwyn, something she would normally detect immediately. But with her dulled senses she took far too long to notice. 

When she finally did she only looked up at him in confusion, like she did not know who he was. 

“Are you drunk?” he asked concerned. 

A mischievous smile crossed her face, recognition in her eyes at the sound of his voice.

“Maybe just a tiny bit,” she admitted, raising her fingers to emphasize how tiny. 

Nesta spoke up, “It hadn’t occurred to me how low her alcohol tolerance would be. Though, in retrospect, it should’ve. I doubt she grew up drinking much at the temple.” 

“I feel great though,” Gwyn interjected. 

Cassian gave her an affectionate smile. His friend looked as though he found this amusing. Azriel did not. He wanted to insist she go rest and sober up, but he knew in his gut she would not appreciate being ordered about. 

“Perhaps, you should like to get some air,” he offered instead. 

Her smile grew wider and she nodded, “That is a most excellent idea.” 

She turned to Nesta and Cassian, “Would you the two of you like to join?” 

Nesta smiled at her friend.

“I think we’ll stay inside, mingle with the others. But you’ll be safe with Azriel,” his brother’s mate started saying, only to meet his eyes, “Right, Az?” 

He returned her stare, “Of course.”

Nesta gave an approving nod and took Cassian by the hand, leading him away. 

Azriel offered Gwyn his arm, uncertain she’d be able to make her way to the balcony without some assistance. He waited for her to scoff, offended, but she took it with no protest. 

He led her over to the double doors leading to the balcony and pushed them open.

Releasing his arm, she rushed to the edge. Her face was awash with wonder as she took in the light of the stars, almost as if seeing them for the very first time.

He quietly observed as she took a deep breath, taking in the cool night air. 

“You know I never knew how much I missed the sky until I saw it for the first time again after spending nearly two years locked away in the dark,” she confessed, a smile on her face, “I thank the stars, that I found the courage to meet Nesta and Cassian up here that first day.” 

He did too. 

In moments like this, he was in awe of her. This young woman, whose soul remained bright, whose heart still managed to be grateful, even after all she’d endured. 

Gwyn spun back around to him, “Shall we play a game?” she teased. 

He smirked at her, “What sort of game?”

“A trust game,” she hopped up onto the ledge, sending his heart damn near leaping out of his chest.

“What are you doing?” 

She stood facing him and shot him a playful smile. 

“Game starts...now!” she called out, letting herself fall backward off the ledge. 

Fuck. He cursed. 

He spread his wings and jumped after her. 

She was falling fast, but he was faster. He swept her up into his arms and pulled her close. Moments later, he had them touching down gently on the ground below. 

“What the hell was that!?” his voice near shouting. 

Gwyn tapped her chin in thought, “I believe humans call it a trust fall.” 

His brows furrowed in annoyance, “You could’ve been hurt.”

She stared at him, looking genuinely surprised at his frustration, “I only did it because I knew it was safe.” 

“Jumping off a balcony when you cannot fly is hardly safe,” he admonished.

“It is when I know you’ll catch me,” she all but sang back, grinning up at him. 

He fell silent at her admission. He wasn’t sure how to respond. 

So, he shook his head and changed the subject. 

“Let’s get you back into the house.” 

As he readied to fly them back up, she spoke. 

“About the necklace...” she started. 

He winced that the mention, uncertain he wished to discuss it with her in her current state or any state. 

But she was too drunk to pick up on his mood.

“I want you to know I was never angry I was...hurt some. But mostly I was...embarrassed...I think...I don’t...it doesn’t matter,” she trailed off, “I know you didn’t have ill intentions. I’m the one who made assumptions.”

He paused. About what?

“So it wasn’t you who hurt me. It was me. I - never mind, it is silly anyways.”

“No. It’s not. Tell me,” he insisted. 

She hesitated, “I was silly for thinking someone like you would like someone like me.” 

Her admission floored him. Why would she think that?

Any male would be so lucky to -

He stopped himself. He couldn’t have this conservation now. Not when she likely wouldn’t even remember any of this come morning. 

Tucking her close to his chest, he went ahead and winnowed them back upstairs. 

Gwyn glanced around, clearly not understanding how she’d gotten from one place to the next. 

“I’m taking you back to your room,” he declared. 

She shook her head, “You can’t enter the dorm area, priestess’ only.” 

Damn, that was right. Funny how she happened to remember that little detail. 

As though summoned by her sister’s presence, Nesta appeared.

“She’s a bit of mess so it probably would not be wise to bring her downstairs,” the female pointed out, “I’ll take her back to my old rooms, that way if she needs anything I’ll be close by.” 

“It’s alright. I’ll bring her,” he insisted. 

Nesta raised a single brow. 

“I want to make sure she’s fine,” he defended, holding the female’s stare. 

“And you don’t trust that I’d make sure of that?” Nesta returned, with the barest hint of offense. 

“I - Nesta, please, let me do this," he requested. 

She took him in with her all too seeing gaze. 

They stayed like that. Assessing each other, until she realized he wouldn’t yield on this. At which point, she only nodded her assent. He gave a single nod in return, passing her to take the stairs up. 

Reaching the room in little time at all, he opened the door - taking care not to jostle Gwyn in his arms. 

With steady footsteps, he headed over to the large bed. Kneeling on the edge, he laid her down as gently as possible. 

His shadows danced around her, kissing her skin as though wishing her good night. 

She curled up with his arm. He tried to pull away but she held on tight. 

“Gwyn, Gwyn,” he whispered, to no avail. 

He brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into her face, and she nuzzled his hand. Her hold on him loosening. 

He was about to pull away again when she whispered his name, “Azriel.”

The sound was so faint he wondered if he’d imagined it. He stared down at her, trying to discern if she was awake. But she did not stir. 

His name on her lips brought the tiniest smile to his face. Carefully, he extracted himself from her hold and reluctantly got off the bed. Something inside him calmed at the sight of her peacefully sleeping face. He stared down at the hand she’d held in hers. 

“If there’s anyone who isn’t good enough, it’s me,” he whispered, eyes returning to her. 

He stroked her cheek with his thumb, “Goodnight, Berbara.” 

\- - - 

Her head was pounding. 

She had a sour taste on her tongue, and she was unbelievably thirsty.

Turning over in bed, she opened her eyes. It took all of two seconds for her to realize this was not her room. She sat up and frantically looked around. Absolutely nothing looked familiar. 

Staring toward the door Gwyn willed herself to remember how she’d gotten here. She took a deep breath and counted down from twenty. By the time she reached ten, everything from the night before came flooding back. Her face heated from embarrassment. 

God, she could not believe she’d done and said those things. 

Glancing on the nightstand she realized someone had placed a jug of water there, along with a glass. She smiled at the thoughtfulness. 

Filling it to the brim, she took a large sip. When she suddenly remembered she had morning plans. 

With Azriel. 

Oh, gods. 

She was never drinking again.

For a brief instant, she considered not showing up. But that idea went as quickly as it had come.

She was a grown woman. She would not hide from her mistakes and avoid Azriel when he’d been nothing but good to her. Despite her ridiculous behavior. With that in mind, she jumped out of bed and quickly hurried back to her own room, to change out her clothes, before heading up to meet him.

Gwyn had just made it past the archway when Azriel turned. He looked almost surprised to see her. Which was strange because surely his shadows had warned him of her approach. 

He watched with keen focus as she approached.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he admitted.

She met his handsome gaze head-on, “I wouldn’t miss this. I know how busy you are, and I’m the one who asked you to teach me the technique I found in the old tome.”

For a moment, Azriel said nothing. She started to grow a bit anxious, but thankfully he put her out of her misery. 

“Shall we get started then?” he asked. 

She nodded, getting into a fighting stance. 

And with that, they fell into familiar territory.

\- - -

Any unease and tension between them had faded with each calculated movement.

He would have to leave soon. Spymaster business. Nesta mentioned it to her the other day in passing when she’d visited her in the library.

In one final attempt to take him down, she darted forward. But just before her hit landed, he stepped out of the way. Her momentum had her tumbling forward, but before she started to fall Azriel caught her by the arm and pulled her back.

Still off-balance, she didn’t catch herself in time and wound up crashing into his firm chest.

Palm pressed against him, she pulled back. Praying she managed to keep from blushing, she looked up into his warm hazel eyes. 

“Thank you for catching me,” she voiced, and then, remembering events of the night before, she added, “Both times.”

A smile slowly curved his lips. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “You’re welcome, on both counts.”

She knew she was doing a piss poor job of not blushing.

“Oh, also, I meant what I said by way. I know you giving me the necklace didn’t mean what I thought it did. So you don’t have to worry about me having any silly ideas.” 

Gwyn felt him stiffen. Turning her head, she saw his expression had shuttered at her words. Which left her a bit confused. 

Perhaps, her words hurt because they made him think of his own situation. How he pined after a female who already had a mate. It pained her to see him this way, but it wasn’t her place to address it. He wasn’t hers to worry over. 

“Right...well I should go. I mean, I know you have somewhere else to be and so do I so...”

When he said nothing to stop her. She turned to leave.

His voice was so quiet, she almost didn’t hear him, “Gwyn...are we okay?” he asked hesitantly.

She looked over her shoulder at him. She was the one who’d made a fool of herself yet he seemed to be the one beating himself up over his mistakes.

She smiled, meaning every word, “We’ll always be okay.”


	4. Autumn Connection

She was nervous.

Gwyn had arrived at the house with Nesta and Cassian, who were there to meet with the rest of the Inner Circle. Cassian had asked Rhysand if it was alright for her to come, and the High Lord thankfully had not objected. It was her first time being in the home of the High Pair. 

After they’d arrived, she’d split from the group. With the blessing of Nesta’s sister, Feyre, Gwyn in wandered the grounds and explored the marvelous home. 

But that was simply a means to pass the time. 

Gwyn had one single reason for being here, and he was sitting across the room - staring silently out the window. His hair reminded her of her own.

Lucien Vanserra. 

Taking a deep breath, she walked over to him - noting his handsome profile. 

“Why aren’t you in the meeting with the others?” she asked politely. 

The red-headed male turned his head, and her eyes caught on his false golden eye as he scrutinized her. 

“I’m not welcome there,” he answered. 

Her brow crinkled, “What do you mean?” 

“I came here in an official capacity, as emissary, to deliver news of what I’ve learned. But their discussions are meant for them alone.” 

The male tried to sound indifferent but she detected the wistfulness in his tone. He said he did not belong, but a part of him wanted to. She lips pressed thin at the dejection that took over his face as turned back to the window. 

“Well then, perhaps I can sit with you while you wait,” she offered, dropping down beside him on the large couch. 

He said nothing in response. 

“My name is Gwyn by way.” 

Again, no answer. Gwyn refused to give up. No matter how stubborn he insisted on being. She’d mustered up the courage to show up here uninvited, and she would not leave with nothing to show for it 

“You’re from the Autumn Court right?” 

He gazed over at her apprehensively, “I’m sure you know who I am,” he returned, waiting for her to deny it. 

But she didn’t. Gwyn saw no point in lying since they both knew the truth.

“You’re right, I do.” 

She could’ve sworn he regarded her with begrudging respect for the fact that she didn’t attempt to lie. Perhaps, that was why he deigned to answer. 

“I have not belonged to the Autumn Court in a very long time. But I’m sure you knew that as well.” 

She nodded, “But you were born in that court, grew up there. Didn’t you?” 

He eyed her attentively, “Yes.” 

“Will you tell me about it?”

His eyes narrowed, “Why do wish to know about the Autumn Court?” 

She smiled, lowering her voice as if imparting some great secret, “I’ve been told that my grandmother, a river nymph, once used her feminine wiles to seduce a High Fae from your home court. So, I suppose you could say I’m curious about it all. I mean we could be family.”

She gestured to her hair to make her point. 

Lucien stared at her for a long moment, not saying anything, and she wondered if she’d laid it on a bit too thick.

Until he erupted in laughter. 

This went on for several seconds before he managed to collect himself. 

“I dare say that was not the sort of answer I was expecting.”

Any signs of ill-humor was gone from the male. He now looked downright amused, his hands pressed to his knees. 

“A member of the Autumn Court seduced by a river nymph, truly? My goodness. I only wish I knew the story behind it, if it is in fact true.”

“Of course, it’s true. I wouldn’t be here otherwise,” she insisted.

“Right well, first thing you need to know about the Autumn Court is that they’re all a bunch of stuck up assholes.” 

She crinkled her nose in distaste, “Aren’t they your family?”

Lucien watched her intently.

“That’s how you know I’m being honest when I say they’re painfully uptight and overly prideful. If what you say is true, any one of them will deny it.” 

Gwyn didn’t much like what was being implied.

“Are you trying to say river nymphs are less than?”

She might not have known her grandmother but the insult still stood. 

Lucien gave her a empathic look, “I’m not so pretentious that I would look down upon someone for being what they are,” he defended, “River nymphs are beautiful in their way. It is a different beauty than that is the High Fae but that should not surprise you.” 

With him having spent so much time in the Spring Court, prior to the war, she was inclined to believe him. 

"I can’t say I know. I’ve never seen a river nymph myself,” she explained, “My life was spent in the temple. And after Hybern...until I met Nesta I spent my time buried in the library.”

His eyes grew sad on her behalf.

“Don’t do that,” she said, “Don’t look at me like I’m something to pity.” 

At her annoyed tone, he winced then conceded, “Very well.” 

Her watched his expression making certain he meant it, when it looked as though he did, she started again. 

“May I confess something?” 

He cracked a small smile, “Who am I to say no when a female wishes to bare her soul to me.” 

She almost laughed. There would be no soul baring today, at least not from her.

“I came here to meet you,” she confessed. 

“Yet another admission I was not expecting,” he said, waiting for her continue. 

“I never cared much about my parentage for a long time. But lately...”

“You’ve started to wonder,” he finished. 

She nodded, “So, will you tell me about it? The Autumn Court that my mysterious grandfather is from.” 

His demeanor softened. 

“Ask and I will answer what I can, Little Red.” 

She grinned at the sudden nickname. She rather liked it.

\---

Azriel had come back from his latest mission worn and with little good news to share.

When he’d told Rhys, his brother had made the decision that they needed meet with their allies to see if any of them knew anything else. And then discuss what contingency plans they needed to put in place. 

When Nesta and Cassian had shown up, he had been surprised to see Gwyn had come with them. She made some excuse about wanting to try and get out more, and he knew was not a total lie. But something told him it wasn’t the whole truth either. 

Rhys and Feyre had naturally welcomed the young woman into their home. Telling her to explore all she wanted while they discussed matters. Gwyn looked not the least bit put out about being excluded and took Feyre up on her offer to see the grounds. Before he had much of a chance to speak with her, she was gone. 

Leaving him distracted throughout much of meeting, his mind wondering where she was and what she was doing. He’d admit he did that a lot these days. 

He was none too pleased when he arrived in the shared living space to find Gwyn sitting beside a certain Autumn Court Exile. 

Azriel stared daggers at the male sitting across the room. It was certainly not the first time he’d done so where Lucien was concerned, and he suspected it would not be the last. 

As always, the other male ignored him.

Gwyn sat beside the Exiled Son of the Autumn Court, speaking animatedly.

Even Elain watched the pair, a blank expression on her face. Yet neither Lucien nor Gwyn seemed to detect their presence, or perhaps they were simply ignoring it.

No that wasn’t right. Gwyn would never do that. And Lucien, much as Azriel disliked the male, wouldn’t miss detecting his mate.

Lucien’s earlier laughter had surprised them all. It’d echoed down the halls so that they’d heard it even in the meeting room. Feyre had smiled, mentioning that it had been a long while since she’d heard the sound. 

They’d all wondered at the cause. Now he knew. 

The two of them sat huddled close. A strange sense of intimacy there. Surely, they’d only just met and yet they appeared at ease in one another’s company.

Jealously filled him. 

He believed Gwyn when she’d said they would move past the necklace situation. And for the most part, he felt they had. But he still sensed a level of reserve from her when they trained, when he’d greeted her earlier. He knew because he was much the same. 

But even before that he wasn’t sure they ever looked so easy around each other. 

It wasn’t fair. 

At that precise moment, Lucien got up as if to leave. Only then did the male seem to notice the rest of them standing there. He paid Azriel little to no mind, his eyes going first to his mate and then to the Rhys and Feyre who had just come up behind. Nesta and Cassian on their heels.

Since he’d come at the behest of the High Pair, he addressed them first. 

“And your decision?” he asked plainly.

Rhys was the one to answer, “We will do as discussed. Share our plans with Vassa.” 

Lucien nodded. Gwyn came up beside him. 

“Will you return soon?” she bid, “Tell me more stories of the Autumn Court?”

An uncomfortable silence followed. No one in the room spoke a word, while Lucien studied Gwyn. 

“I’m not sure,” the red-headed male answered reluctantly. 

Gwyn took in the rest of the room. No doubt feeling the tension. 

She turned back to Lucien.

“Oh, I mean not necessarily in an official capacity. You can just stop by to visit me,” she said with a grin. 

Azriel felt Elain tense beside him. 

Lucien chuckled, “I don’t think you realize how that sounds. But alright, I’ll try Little Red.” 

She smiled at the nickname. 

Azriel, on the other hand, was seething. 

To think the male would behave in such a way in front of his mate. Things between him and Elain had been uncomfortable as of late, partly due to the necklace incident but mostly because he’d realized his feelings weren’t what he’d once believed. Still, he cared about the female and he did not like to see her upset. Especially not by the male who was supposed to care for her the most. 

“Thanks, Grandpa,” Gwyn jested.

Wait, what?

Taking a quick glance around their circle, he realized everyone but Nesta looked equally confused at the comment. 

“Hey, don’t go blaming me for knocking up your grandmother,” Lucien answered in mock offense, almost smirking. 

“You don’t have any proof that you didn’t,” Gwyn shot back. 

“I should think I’d remember if I laid with a river nymph,” the male insisted. 

"You said it yourself that any member of the Autumn Court would deny such a thing,” she argued, “And while you might no longer belong to it, that court birthed and bred you.” 

Lucien laughed, “Alright enough with you, I’m off to do my job.” 

“Stay safe,” she said right as he winnowed away.

The other male’s smile was the last thing Azriel saw before he disappeared. 

Gwyn turned to Nesta, who had come up beside her, “I rather like him. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was my grandfather.” 

“Ah yes, what a delight that would be,” Nesta answered sarcastically.

Everything else seemed to fade into the background. He overheard Gwyn thanking Rhys and Feyre for allowing her into their home. The other’s spoke as well but he was no longer fully listening. The tension that had been building inside him slowly ebbed away. Gwyn wasn’t interested in the other male. At least not in the way he’d feared.

“Are you alright Az?” Mor asked from behind him. 

He turned to his friend, “Of course” he said without hesitation.

He wasn’t able to tell whether or not that was a lie.

He could hardly explain the relief he felt. 

Somehow Azriel had forgotten Cassian mentioning that Nesta and Emerie were trying to help Gwyn learn more about her family.

Nesta’s bringing her along now made sense. 

As if only now sensing his gaze on her Gwyn turned her head, eyes meeting his. She gave him a friendly smile. 

He smiled back. 

He needed to get ahold of himself, Gwyneth Berbara wasn’t his to lose.

She was his friend. Nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter was surprisingly more difficult than the previous ones. Partly because there isn’t much direct Azriel and Gwyn interaction which is kind of what I’m living for at this point lol. But also because I was trying to capture some of Lucien’s humor as I remember him from Book 1. It was so long ago, but man I miss that guy. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it despite the lack of one on one in this chapter. Next chapter, promise. As always, share and comment as you please =D I love reading all of your comments <3


	5. The Library Visit

Returning from his latest mission, he found the house empty.

Azriel didn’t know where Cassian and Nesta were, but they weren’t here. He would’ve detected their presence otherwise. 

So he sat for breakfast alone. 

He’d grown so used to having Cassian and Nesta around that he now felt their absence. He couldn’t say whether or not that bothered him.

Having finished off his fruit, Azriel started on his oatmeal. He’d just raised the spoon to his lips when something fell down from the ceiling with a thud. He glared up at the ceiling. Turning his attention back to the table, he saw that it was book. One that narrowing missed crashing into his bowl.

He set down his spoon, brow furrowed in confusion. 

He’d heard from Cassian about the house occasionally delivering books to Nesta at her request. But this was the first time it had done anything for the sort in his presence. 

Not to mention, he hadn’t asked for any book.

He reached out, taking the sizable thing in his hands. Azriel wiped the dust off the cover. Based on at the title, he had good idea of who might be looking for this book.

He stared up to the ceiling. 

“What are you doing?” he asked aloud, then felt a fool for speaking to a house. 

Although Nesta had claimed countless times that it understood her, Azriel still had trouble believing the thing was sentient. When nothing else happened he turned his attention back to the book and studied it.

It looked ancient. Further leading him to think it must belong in the library. 

Abandoning his half-eaten breakfast, Azriel got up from his seat and headed down the stairs.

Not long after he arrived at the front desk of the library, greeted by Clotho’s customary pleasantness.

“Hello Clotho,” he greeted. 

She smiled politely, and began jotting down her words. 

May I ask why you’re here?

He peered down at the volume under his arm.

“For Gwyn, could you call her here?” he asked.

She tilted her head in question.

Why? She wrote.

“I think I have something she might want to see,” he said. 

She studied him, obviously curious but not asking anything further

Okay.

She started to compose another note. 

At that precise moment, another priestess walked by. Silently, Clotho got up from her seat and handed the folded note over to the female. 

She read it, eyed him briefly and then was off without a word. 

Most of the priestess’ were still a bit nervous around him. The only time he really interacted with them was during daily training sessions, and even after all this time not all them turned up for those. Their numbers continued to increase though, especially now with the girls were able to offer some help and guidance to the others. Cassian and Azriel no longer had to be present at all times.

It wasn’t long before he heard her familiar hurried footsteps coming up the stairs. 

Gwyn paused at first when she saw him, and then she smiled.

He gave her a small smile back.

“Ro told me a handsome male was here to see me. I’d assumed it was Cassian,” she remarked. 

He found himself a touch annoyed at her admission to finding his brother handsome. But more so he was curious. 

“Does Cassian make a habit of coming down here?” he found himself asking. 

“Well no, but I thought perhaps Nesta sent him down with a message for me,” she replied. 

He nodded, that made sense, still, “Did the thought occur to you that it might be me?”

Her bright eyes watched him, “A small part of me considered it.” 

Meaning she at least found him handsome as well. He supposed he could live with that. 

“So, why have you come?” she inquired. 

“Do I need a reason?”

“No. But I think you have one,” she said in return, daring him to contradict her.

He didn’t. Instead he raised the book he’d held at his side. 

She eyes widened, “Where did you find that?”

“A friend,” he answered, glancing up briefly. 

She stared up at the ceiling in annoyance. 

“I asked you to help me find it. Why did you send it to him instead?” she said all in a huff.

It was cute. 

Done addressing the house, her attention turned back to him, “Thank you for bringing it to me,” she said graciously, hand outstretched. 

He hesitated. Not sure he wanted to turn it over to her just yet. 

“Did you want company?” he offered. 

She pulled her hand back, “You’re not too busy?” she asked, surprised. 

“Not at this time,” he answered. And never for you, he wanted to add. 

She smiled, “Clotho, is it alright if Azriel joins me for some light reading?” 

The older female quickly composed her words. 

Just make sure no one feels uncomfortable with his presence. 

“Of course,” Gwyn agreed. 

She held out her hand again for the book. He considered offering to carry it for her. But she looked so eager to get her hands on it, he turned it over. 

They headed down the stairs to the floor below, side by side, a comfortable silence passing over them. Gwyn picked out an empty table tucked away in the corner. 

Laying the book down reverently on the tabletop, she dusted it off and took a seat. He sat down across from her. Grin on her face, she peeled back the cover, turning each proceeding page with care. 

“If you don’t mind my asking, why the sudden interest in your heritage?” 

She peeked up from the book to meet his eyes, “Has Nesta told you how I’ve been trying to go out more?” 

He nodded. He'd been glad to hear it.

“On one of the occasions, someone asked me. Not rudely or anything, just out of curiosity I think, about where I’m from and all I could say was the temple.” 

She gazed off wistfully, “It made me realize I know so little about my origins.” 

He could understand that. 

“Also, I’ve been having these...dreams lately. I think they might be visions. Some good, some bad. But I can’t help feeling as though they’re tied to the questions I’ve been asking about myself lately, if that makes sense.”

As far as he knew Gwyn was no seer, so the idea that she would be getting visions of any sort was concerning. 

“How do you know they aren’t nightmares?” he asked and saw her bite her lip. 

“Because I’ve had nightmares before.” 

He stilled. Given her past, she must’ve had her fair share of nightmares. He hated the very thought. Hated that she continued suffer because of some piece of shit.

But Gwyn never talked about what happened to her at the temple. 

The night Azriel had dragged that bastard off of her, killing him and the rest of Hybern’s men. But he’d arrived too late. It was but another regret on his endless list. 

Azriel did not blame her for burying the memory deep, where no one could reach it. He never discussed his past either, content to have it remain there where it belonged. They were same in that regard.

“Look at this!” she exclaimed, somber mood gone. The excitement in her voice drew him out of his thoughts.

Azriel got up from his seat, and move around the table to stand behind her.

Her finger pointed to a page discussing water nymphs. Just at a glance, he could see the thing went into great detail. Going as far as to distinguish between seawater and freshwater nymphs. He observed quietly as Gwyn’s eyes lit up, as she read over the contents. 

On the next page was an image that depicted a nymph manipulating the water. Something he had never in fact seen. 

He could almost feet the excitement radiating off of Gwyn at the sight. 

She turned her head abruptly to look at him, but he stood so close their lips nearly touched. 

Their eyes met and for minute neither one dared to breathe. Without thinking, he inched closer. 

Only for another book to fall down from the ceiling, the shock throwing them apart. 

Gwyn’s attention pulled away from him, as she instead moved to check the house’s latest finding. 

Are you with me or against me house? Azriel silently cursed. 

And though he knew it was impossible, he felt as though it was chuckling at him. 

His attention returned to the table. Gwyn was studying the new dusty thing with wary eyes.

“Gwyn, is everything alright?”

She turned at the sound of his voice, eyes almost grave. 

“I’m not sure.” 

That was not what he had hoped to hear.

\- - -

She could’ve sworn it looked as though he meant to kiss her. His breath warmed her face.

Gwyn stayed fixed in place, waiting to see what he’d do. But before she could find out, the house dropped another massive tome onto the table. Startling her and shifting her attentions away from the male by her side.

Upon first glance, she knew this was no ordinary book. If the book she’d been studying was old, this one was ancient. It radiated power, which made her nervous.

“Gwyn, is everything alright?” Azriel asked from her side.

It was like nothing she’d ever seen in library, written in the language she didn’t recognize.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. 

She reached out a tentative hand, running her fingertips over the cover. The mere touch sent a sharp jolt shooting up her arm - causing her cringe back.

Azriel placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “Gwyn?” he voiced with concern, “What's wrong?”

She stared at the ancient, “I...something is wrong with this book.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. Azriel reached for the book in question, but as soon he has it in his grip he recoiled.

“What the...”

She turned to him, “You sense it too?”

He nodded. 

They fell still. Staring at the thing, until someone cleared their throat behind them.

Turning in her seat she saw Merrill standing some distance away, eyeing them distastefully. 

Gwyn immediately got up from her seat, forcing Azriel to shift back. 

“What are you doing here?” the older woman asked. 

At first, she thought the female was addressing Azriel. But when her eyes never left Gwyn, she realized the question was meant for her.

She didn't think she owed the female an explanation, but she offered one anyway, “I was doing some research.”

“I don’t remember asking you to do any sort of research that would involve you needing the help of an Illyrian warrior.”

Gwyn’s eyes shot to Azriel, who regarded Merrill distaste, presumably for the tone she was taking. While she was grateful for his support, it wasn’t the time or place.

“It’s my own personal research, and Azriel was keeping me company.”

Merrill’s brows lifted, “Since when do you require the company of a male to get things done?” 

That comment irked Gwyn. It was completely unnecessary.

“I do not require it but he is my friend and I quite enjoy his company.”

The older female continued to eye her, “I assume this has something to do with you trying to trace your origins.” 

“It does,” she affirmed. 

“But also...” she trailed off, considered what she should and should not say. 

“Also what?” the older female prompted. 

“I found an old text I’ve never seen or heard of before,” she stated, “I can’t even read it.” 

Merrill eyes narrowed, “Show it to me.”

Gwyn turned around to find the text gone.

“It’s...it’s gone,” she said in voice that was barely above a whisper.

Azriel swung around at her words and at the sight of the missing tome, appeared equally shocked.

“Well?” Merrill asked.

“It appears to have disappeared.”

“Has it now?” Merrill responded in disbelief. 

Gwyn took offense to her accusation, but she held her tongue. 

“I shouldn’t have wasted my time with this conversation. I have work to do. You do as well Gwyn, do not fall behind. I expect to see the texts I requested on my desk tomorrow by noon.”

Gwyn nodded her head once, “Of course.” 

They always are. She wanted to say. But it would be pointless to argue with Merrill. The woman hardly cared what others had to say.

Gwyn watched in silence as the older priestess disappeared up the library stairs. 

Once she was out of sight, Azriel spoke to her, “Is she always that pleasant?”

Gwyn eyed him a moment, then burst out laughing. 

He stared as her with surprise on his face, “What?” he asked almost innocently. 

“I sometimes forget you have a sense of humor,” she confessed. 

He scoffed in mock offense, “Of course I do.”

“Right, well, it just so rarely makes an appearance.” 

He shot her a crooked smile, “Fair enough.” 

She couldn’t help but stare at him. He was so beautiful, especially when he smiled. She was grateful to him for lifting her mood. Seeing Merrill outside of when she had to do work for the older female was something Gwyn would admit she consciously avoided. 

But still, she could not help rethinking the encounter. 

She stared down at where the book had been. “It’s strange don’t you think?” she said aloud, “That the book disappeared right when I tried to show it to Merrill?”

Azriel gave a nod in agreement, as the wheels in her head started turning.

“Do you think it’s possible that the book didn’t want to be found? Or, perhaps, the house didn’t want it to be found?” 

The house has shown it to them and then taken it away when the tried to show it to someone else, surely that couldn’t be a coincidence.

“I suppose that’s possible, stranger things have happened,” he conceded, “Do you remember the title on the cover?” 

She gave it some thought, “I remember the characters. Not that I know what any of them mean.” 

“Then perhaps we should ask Rhys and Amren about it,” he suggested. 

Gwyn turned to him, “Would they be alright with that?”

“Let me ask.” 

She waited as he communicated silently with the High Lord. 

“Rhys says it’s fine.” 

She smiled, relieved to hear they might get some answers. She glanced up at the ceiling once more, to address the House as Nesta had taught her to do, "Do you think you could send this book on nymphs to my room, so I might read it later?"

The House did not respond, of course, it never did. But when she peeked down at the table she found the book gone.

Azriel eyed the empty space where it'd been warily, before turning to her, "Do you think it would all us to summon that other book again?"

Something in her gut told her the answer, but she tried anyway.

"Could you perhaps, send us that mysterious book again?" she asked. They waited. Nothing. 

Of course, it could not be so easy.  
“I’ll have to fly us part of the way to Rhys and Feyre's, and then we can winnow the rest. Is that alright?” 

She nodded, with that decided they hurried up the stairs toward the nearest balcony. Truth be told, she was thrilled at the prospect of flying. Cassian had carried her along with Nesta a few times, and she loved it. 

When they arrived at the balcony, Azriel placed a hand on the small of her back and bent slightly to lift her off the ground. He pulled her close to his chest. She basked in the heat of having his body so close to hers. 

He peered down at her, “You ready?” 

“Ready,” she affirmed. 

With that, he took off.

She didn't bother to conceal her smile. Sunshine on her face, wind in her hair, Gwyn felt giddy. Staring down at the sights below, she felt like the grand adventurers she’d only ever read about as a child.

She turned her head to look up at Azriel, only to find him watching her as if she were the most interesting thing. She averted her eyes and fought to keep from blushing. Surely, she was overthinking.

They continued on in amicable silence until they were outside of the perimeter that limited winnowing. At that point, she felt Azriel’s magic wrap around them and in the next instant they reappeared in the house of the High Pair. 

He let her down onto her feet. Not a moment later, Rhysand appeared to greet them. He hugged his brother and flashed her a dashing smile. She would admit the High Lord was quite handsome, although not quite as handsome as Azriel. But she could see the charm and appeal.

“It isn’t like you to request a meeting, Az,” the male stated, “You said you had something to show Amren and I?” 

“Actually, Gwyn does,” Azriel said, looking over his shoulder to her. Rhysand’s gaze went to her as well. 

Before, she had the chance to reply the front door swung open. 

“What’s this about a book boy?” Amren asked, not bothering with any sort of greeting. 

Gwyn found it odd the elder being referred to the males of the Night Court boys. After all, they were all clearly grown. But neither Azriel nor Rhysand made any mention of it. 

“Do have a pen and paper I could use?” she asked, directing her question to Rhysand. 

The High Lord gave a single nod, “Of course, let’s go to my office.” 

Moving down the halls, she kept by Azriel’s side as the four of them headed to the office. Once inside, the male went straight for his desk. He pulled out a pen and paper, laying it out on the desk for her. 

Gwyn stepped forward and jotted down the characters she remembered. Azriel stood to her right and Amren her left.

The older female scanned the paper, “This text is old. Very old,” she emphasized. 

Her head turned to Gwyn, “Where did you say you found it?”

Gwyn shook her head, “I didn’t. It found us.” 

The female’s brow arched in question, or, perhaps, disbelief. Gwyn didn’t know her well enough to be sure.

“Strange,” she commented. 

At that precise moment, someone else stepped into the office. Gwyn turned around to see Mor walking in. 

“Where have you been?” Rhysand asked. 

She plopped down into a seat, “Dropping off Nesta and Cassian at one of the Illyrian camps.” 

“Why?” he asked. 

She tilted her head, “They didn’t say exactly. Only that someone named Balthazar sent word to them about something to do with Emerie.” 

At the mention of Emerie, all her other concerns were temporarily forgotten. This was the first time Gwyn was hearing anything about it.

“I’d planned to stay and help but they insisted they could handle it, and you know those misogynistic assholes can’t stand have me around long.” 

For Balthazar to reach out to Cassian and Nesta meant it must be something of note. Gwyn could not help her worry, and a small part of her felt hurt that Nesta hadn’t thought to come to get her from the library so they could go see Emerie together. If Emerie needed help, Gwyn wanted to be there. 

She turned to Azriel, “Will you take me there?” 

“Where?” Azriel asked, as though it weren’t obvious.

“To the Illyrian camp,” she clarified. 

Azriel grimaced. It was her understanding that he couldn’t much stand the company of the other Illyrians. She shouldn’t have asked him. Gwyn spun toward Mor. 

“Or could you perhaps take me?” she asked, “I am sorry for the trouble but if there’s even a chance Emerie might need me I want to be there.” 

Mor eyed her a moment. She’d only met the other female a handful of times. But she saw no harm in asking. As far as she knew, the High Lord’s third in command was a gracious person. 

“No, if you’re going I am coming with you,” Azriel insisted. 

All eyes turned to him. She took that as a sign that it must be a rare occasion for him to volunteer to return to the place he’d been born. 

“Are you sure?” she questioned. 

He gave her a stern look that made it clear there’d be no talking him out of it. 

She gave him a brief smile, “Thank you.” 

“We’ll look into this, and let you know what we find out,” Rhysand reassured them from behind his desk. 

She sent the High Lord her a grateful smile, while Azriel simply nodded at his friend. 

Azriel turned to face her, and she did the same. He held her by the elbows. 

“Ready?” he asked. 

She nodded affirmatively, and then they were off. 

I’m coming Emerie. She whispered silently to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter took longer than I’d anticipated. I think that’s partly due to the fact that I’m weaving in more plot and the fact that there were a number people I wanted to incorporate. All while trying to keep everyone as in character as I could, which is something I always try to do. It’s one of the main reasons I haven’t allowed myself to read any other Gwynriel fanfiction. Because I don’t want anyone else’s vision influencing or altering my perception of the characters. Once I finish my own story/versions of events I’ll probably try to check out others.


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